Do you completely surrender yourself in the bedroom? When you and your partner have sex, do you open up to them and connect on a spiritual level?

Chances are, the answer is no. For all too many women, the concept of becoming entirely open to this ethereal sexual experience is foreign. The truth is we all deserve to awaken to the realms of transcendent gourmet sex. Whether you’re failing to connect with your partner or want to harness your sexual potential, you’ve come to the right place. Holistic sex and relationship coach Kim Anami shares her advice on surrendering sexually.

Junk Food Sex vs. Gourmet Sex 

You wouldn’t eat a diet of junk food, so why are you having junk food sex? We’re talking low-quality, barely satisfying, disconnected sex. It’s the type of casual sex where you fail to bond with your partner and keep your barriers high. Sure, it’s fast and fun, but it’s nothing compared to the potentially life-changing sexual experiences you deserve. 

“Let’s use this gourmet sex and junk food sex analogy as our entry point here,” says Kim Anami. “We often think of junk food sex as casual, even addictive sex or sexual habits like porn. We can also find junk food sex in long-term relationships.

“It’s not about who we’re having sex with but how we’re having sex,” she continues. “The name of the game is to keep things distant and not get too involved or attached deeply. Todo this, you would consciously not open yourself too much. You would try not to emotionally bond with that person, or place certain restrictions and boundaries on your interactions and on your emotional self to prevent you from becoming too close.”

According to Anami, gourmet sex is where we fully show up for the experience — in mind, body, and spirit. We open our hearts and become vulnerable to our partner. We surrender ourselves to them and the universe at large. Now, that might sound terrifying. It certainly takes a lot of trust; however, the results are epic. When you truly surrender, you can connect with your partner on a deep level, bond with them, and, of course, have mind-blowing orgasms. 

“In a gourmet sex situation, we open our hearts, our minds to trust to be vulnerable and to let someone in,” says Kim Anami. “The path to surrender is a whole journey in itself, to be able to get to the place where we can open ourselves up. To let go means that we have to be able to trust, and the big question I always ask is, ‘If I fall, will you catch me?’”

The Fear of Opening Up Sexually 

Sadly, most women fear opening up sexually. While they long for multiple orgasms and intense sexual experiences, there’s a blockage. You might think, “What happens if I open myself up completely and I am shattered into a million pieces? Who will put me back together? Do I have the inner strength to put myself back together? Who will catch me?”

Kim Anami instructs, “Repeat after me: Your concerns are valid but that cannot hold you back. If you want to experience cataclysmic, conscious, transformative sex, there are two steps you can take to protect yourself. The first is to choose the right partner. Ensure they are trustworthy and someone who is interested in taking this deep and meaningful journey with you. 

“The second step is to ensure you are prepared to surrender yourself completely. You will need security and a high level of self-love. You should look at life as a friendly entity or a presence that’s always on your side. By cultivating a positive and intimate relationship with life, you’ll start to see that you have the ability to catch yourself should you fall.”

Using BDSM as a Powerful Tool 

BDSM is about exaggerating archetypes — the masculine and feminine, or the dominant and submissive. That can be a powerful tool when it comes to surrendering yourself. If you’ve found yourself in a buddy situation with your partner where the spark has faded, the conscious use of BDSM might be the answer. You can use it to experiment with your sexual desires, reignite the spark, and completely open yourself up to each other. If you’re struggling to connect with your partner, it’s an adventurous area to explore. 

“Women are struggling to connect with more of their surrendered energy in our modern culture and men with more of their dominant masculine energy,” says Kim Anami. “So conscious use of BDSM is an extremely powerful way to playwith these energies.” 

Become a Well-F–ked Woman

Ready to upgrade your sex life? The vast majority of women are radically under-f–ked, says Anami. It’s time for a sexual transformation. Anami says those who want to up their sex lives can sign up for her eight-week digital salon to learn how to experience deeper vaginal orgasms, channel your orgasmic and sexual energy, clear sexual blocks, and harness the power of feminine energy, plus much more.