Even if you can form close, intimate relationships, you most likely know at least several people with such a problem. Such people are reserved, they can be untrustworthy, and they aren’t able to continue meaningful conversations with their partners. Or they simply avoid close relationships because they are afraid of any commitments. But why do people act in this way? What are some of the underlying reasons for it? And how to overcome it if you are afraid of intimacy or dealing with such people? 

Learning to recognize such behavioural patterns can help you in many ways: you can protect yourself from being emotionally unavailable or make the right decisions about your relationships and the people you love. In our article we first list the causes for this pattern:

Some reasons why people can’t form mature relationships:

  1. Childhood traumas.

The traumas the person has experienced in his childhood can be quite different: their parents could have neglected them, or they just were emotionally unstable. So, they didn’t adequately respond to their kid’s needs. The other reason may be that the parents have controlled the person in his childhood or adulthood so much so that the person avoids any close relationships not to be controlled. 

And the person is so scared of losing themselves or being neglected that they choose to stay unknown and be more emotionally independent. This self-protective attachment style has an impact on all spheres of human life.

  1. Personality disorders

Sometimes the fear of intimacy is caused by some personality disorders, for example, narcissistic personality disorder. People with this disorder naturally have low empathy and aren’t able to love anyone. Such people avoid any commitments and intimacy and aren’t responsive to the emotions of other people because they simply can’t do it. So, they are simply unable to consider the feelings or emotions of other people. And they often do not understand their own emotions at all. The other disorder that can cause such behaviour is a social anxiety disorder.

However, it can sometimes even be a combination of different reasons why the person is emotionally unavailable. For example, the person had some problems with parents, the family was unmeshed, and the person also suffers from social anxiety.

How to recognize this pattern in your behaviour?

What are the signs you have the fear of intimacy? Getting close to other people may make you feel uncomfortable, or your standards for your partners are simply too high. You avoid getting closer to your partner or you even avoid any kind of an intimate relationship.

Fear of intimacy and coping strategies:

Well, the way you can overcome it depends on the roots your fear of intimacy has. However, there are some universal strategies for how you can unpick the past and build emotionally fulfilling relationships:

  1. Start loving yourself for simply loving you

Some people don’t believe they can be loved. Do you demand a lot from yourself? In this situation try to give yourself more emotional support. Don’t blame yourself for your fears or emotions. Maybe it’s time to relax and you need a lazy weekend to visit online bonuses page in Nigeria or enjoy or favourite book? Even if you aren’t perfect, you deserve a loving relationship. With a positive self-image, you will be much more open to other people.

  1. Explore your emotional landscape

What does it mean? Try to understand the emotions and feelings you have. You will probably feel uncomfortable at first doing it, but this step is very important if you want to cope with your problem. Be honest to yourself and learn to recognize your emotions. 

  1. Analyse your past

As we have already mentioned before, avoiding attachment may have roots in our childhood. 

  1. Seek the therapist

How to deal with a partner who has a fear of intimacy:

  1. Don’t push your partner too hard
  2. Encourage your partner to seek a psychotherapist

Therapy is surely the best way to overcome or deal with the fear of intimacy. The professional therapist can recognize the root of this fear and knows the methods how to overcome it.

  1. Define what intimacy means to you and explain it to your partner

Sometimes people just don’t understand each other because they do have different “love” languages. Try to define what intimacy means to you and speak with your partner about it. Try not to blame your partner but simply explain why you aren’t satisfied with your relationship. And ask your partner about his or her feelings and thoughts.


So, it is possible to cope with emotional unavailability. Even if your partner has a fear of intimacy, it doesn’t mean all hope is lost. And if you suffer from this problem, it is also possible to change this pattern and enjoy a fulfilling and loving relationship. All in all, intimacy is risky but makes you happier. And what can be more important than leading a happy life?